Kindness is Hard

But here's two why we should try anyway, and how.

Social

Being kind spreads good vibes around, helps lift the mood of people and situations, and lessons the burdens on other people--physical or otherwise. Kindness helps strengthen bonds or form new connections between people.

Psychological 

Being kind makes us feel good. That's because acts of kindness activates a part of the brain called striatum, which also lightens our mood and increases our happiness. And won't it be nice to live out our days in a nice, warm golden glow of kindness?

Graphic by Your City Promdi and AC Alba

Frail and flawed

Or course, constant kindness is  a near impossibility for many us. So frail and flawed we human beings are that stress, little inconveniences, or other people's moods ruin our own equilibrium. So frail and flawed we human beings are that we tend to lash out and act unkindly.

I speak from experience. Patience has never been my virtue, and I confess I am often grumpy.

Each time my parents fail at keeping to their prescribed diet, I worry and my tone comes off gruff and impolite. I can make all the excuses I want but the truth is that is unkind, and I regret the harsh words almost as soon as they come out of my mouth.

Earlier this week, I decided to stew in aggrieved silence because #TheGentlemanFarmer had been too busy and too preoccupied. I can point fingers as much as I like, say that he should do better at prioritizing me--maybe some of you may even agree with me. But the truth is, I should have been in better control of my emotions, should have been more emotionally mature, and handles the situation with kindness instead of a cold shoulder.

More often, we  are hurt others by our unkind gestures, words, and silences. And the wounds boomerangs quickly at us--leaving us with honest regrets, secret pain, and even broken relationships.

Graphic by Your City Promdi and AC Alba

Living kindness

Therefore, we try to live out kindness, no matter how hard, as we realize the toll its absence and recognize its benefits, But how? Here are a few ways I can think of for starting to practice kindness.
  1. Smile. They say we Filipinos smile a lot, and that can sometimes be mistaken as flirtation and therefore unprofessional. But it is undeniable that a smile can smooth out awkwardness or convey the right tone or inflection on our words and gestures.
  2. Appreciate others. It does not take a lot to say "thank you". Be generous with praise and with gratitude. Be specific about what you are thanking others for. It is not only kind, but also reinforces behaviors and attitudes that further promote a culture of kindness.
  3. Be quick to forgive. We've already established that we are frail and flawed. Where we can make allowances for others, let us do so. Correct mistakes, but do not label the person (e.g. "It would be better if you wash your dishes instead of leaving them by the sink." instead of "You're so messy--clean up after yourself!"). Try not to assume or ascribe negative motivations. Genuinely move past any misunderstanding and do not bring past mistakes into present disagreements.  
  4. Count to 10. Slowly. And again. In instances where our tempers are about to burst, count to ten before reacting to something or someone that agitates you. 
  5. Walk away. If counting is not working, the kindness thing you can do is to walk away. Remove yourself from a situation where you are bound to lash out or hurt others. Let off steam.
  6. Apologize. In the event that you fail, own your mistakes and be quick to say "sorry" and really mean it.

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