Love is Presence

Graphic courtesy of www.carolplumridgeosteopathy.co.uk/

Since I came into my adolescence, I had been a strong believer that love should be expressed in varied ways frequently. Whether it's the love of a child for a parent, the love between friends or siblings, or romantic love, I think that letting the other person know of that love benefits everyone.

Even as I grew into adulthood, I continued to be vocal to my friends, parents, siblings, and my partner--letting them know I love them. I tell them in person, over text messages, sometimes even in the very public realm of social media. I figure, there's no drawback to building up someone with assurances of love.

In the past few years, however, I realize that being vocal about love is useless without one other thing: your presence. Letting another person know of the love they hold for you is in danger of being meaningless if the pronouncement is left empty in one's absence.

And presence here is not just about cheesy things like holding hands while walking, or having dinner together.

A love that is present means being fully available to the loved person. It means being ready to listen, to provide advice, to simply be a witness to failures and triumphs and the steady moments in between.

It means being ready to listen to dilemmas of wants and needs or clashing responsibilities, being available to brainstorm options, and to stand in support of whatever choices the beloved makes.

A love that is present is nudging a friend in silence or sending virtual hugs to let them know they are not alone. It's a random text message sent by one friend to another, or one sibling to another to let them know that they are in each other's thoughts.

It's taking a leave from work to accompany a friend to her x-ray appointment when she tore her knee ligament, or setting aside your lunchtime to escort a fiance to her friend's hospital appointment to drive them both after. It's driving through traffic for two hours to rescue a friend whose car broke down on a drizzling evening.

The theory of the five languages of love is de rigoeur nowadays when talking about how to express and appreciate love. Now, I am realizing that at least communication and presence are just faces of the same love--together with service--and a love without any of those three is deflated.

Here then is a wish: that we each recognize the gift of presence for the love that it is, and that we learn to back our words of love with our availability.

Lastly, I leave you with this quote from my Gentleman Farmer, who agreed with my thesis statement in a very theological manner: "Yes, love is God and God is always present. It
means always trusting in Him."